Christmas jokes

And the good old cracker jokes

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!

What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!

What do you call Father Christmas in the beach?
Sandy Clause!

What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws

What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!

What do Santa's little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet!

What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!

What type of Shoes does Santa wear when he travels on a train?
Platforms!

How long do a reindeers legs have to be?
Long enough so they can touch the ground!

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!

Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!

What's worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!

Why did the Rudolph cross the road?
Because he was tied to the chicken!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn't chicken!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!

What happened to the turkey at Christmas?
It got gobbled!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!

What do snowmen where on their heads?
Ice caps!

How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!

How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!

What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!

What is the best xmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

How did Scrooge with the football game?
The ghost of christmas passed!

What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!

What's the most popular Christmas wine?
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

Why do ghosts live in the fridge?
Because it's cool!

What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!

What do crackers, fruitcake and nuts remind me of?
You!

What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!

Where would you find chili beans?
At the north pole!

Why don't penguins fly?
Because they're not tall enough to be pilots!

What do sheep say at Christmas?
Wool-tide Bleatings!

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What's green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
Mistle-toad!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Pudding.
Pudding who?
Pudding in your face!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Snow
Snow who?
Snow business like show business

Santa went to the Doctors with a problem.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Santa: I seem to have a mince pie stuck up my bottom!
Doctor: Well your in luck because I've got just the cream for tha

What goes OH! OH! OH!



Santa walking backwards

Thank for that, I laughed til I cried